


in the lion's den.

by awhnature



Series: beachboy [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), mcyt
Genre: Angst, Day Dreaming, Dream Smp, Inspired by Music, Lions, M/M, Minecraft, Mutual Pining, angsty, dream - Freeform, dream team, dreamnotfound, georgenotfound - Freeform, its georges time for some angst, mccafferty, mcyt - Freeform, no im not, pls im so sorry, sapnap - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:53:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28852371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awhnature/pseuds/awhnature
Relationships: dreamnotfound - Relationship
Series: beachboy [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2115726
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	1. 00 ; intro

george has admittedly never been that great at expressing how he felt, so as new and promadent feeling began bubbling on the surface, he wasn't sure what to take of it. they troubled him and made him question everything about himself and his friends and his life style. as he struggles to come to a general understanding of everything, other contradicting realizations cloud his thoughts as he finds himself more lonely and distracted than ever. 

he always chose to struggle with these things on his own. it was mainly his fear of being a burden, but also knowing his friend's had more important things to worry about. it'd been proven that holding these things back helped no one, but he felt there was nothing else he could do. he'd write everything down in a notebook, reading them back day after day, trying to make sense of how he felt and thought. forcing himself to try and learn off of nearly no material clearly wasn't working as he finds himself still oblivious to the facts. 

unfortunately, george had witnessed first hand, his best friend at the lowest point in their life. and as george felt himself tripping back into a pit accompanied by a wild beast that he couldn't tame nor understand, he feared he might have reached his lowest point as well. only this time, there was no ladder, or anyone to pull him out. he simply had to tame the lion, and the rest would be history.


	2. 01 ; confusing feeings

it had been a good month or two after the stream. clay still remained in texas with nick, finally having gone back home to get the rest of his important things. the two boys were safe and healing wounds that they weren't aware existed. as their healing was happening, george found himself discovering his own defined wounds.

george always had a hard time expressing how he felt, and his friend's knew that. he'd say things he didn't mean, or find himself saying things that were too brutally honest. he often found himself wondering if he truly meant what he was thinking. 

now he was laying back on his light blue sheets as the morning sun blazed in through the window. he had forgot to put the drapes back over it the night before. george found himself intentionally lost in thought, thoughts of conversations from months prior, thoughts of dreams he had been having. it was difficult to recognize the feeling that bubbled in his stomach and fogged his mind.

rolling over to face away from the sun, he found himself thinking intensely for a name of this feelings. whenever he let his mind wonder to the dreams he'd been having, he found his heart rate speeding up like a big cat sprinting after their prey. he felt his face flush warm and burn his pale skin. slapping his cold hands over his cheeks, he let out a heavy sigh to try and release the stress building up in his mind. 

as he sat back up, the weight that sat on his chest slowly passed and he took a deep breath. the air filtering his house was clean and sweet and smelled of roasted hazelnuts. he decided sitting around all day wouldn't solve anything and hopped out of bed to be greeted by a small kitten at his feet. she roamed his ankles, desperate for attention.

"i already feed you." he grumbled, attempting to walk away without trampling here, though she wouldn't move. sighing, he picked her up and placed her on his bed. she twirled in a few circles before lying down and making herself at home. he smiled, and made his way to his desk, taking a seat in the large chair. george often sat on his knees, knowing it was bad for his posture he still found it much more comfortable. he shook his mouse around to wake his computer back up and open two applications, just in case. discord and minecraft opened on his screen and he was greeted with a few messages from the dream team group chat. he opened them eagerly and found dream typing in chat about how he was beat sap's ass in bed wars. chuckling, george typed a quick "can i join?" that was greeted by spam of 'yes' and 'DREAM SUCKS AT BED WARS'. he smiled, opening hypixel and minimizing his tab. in a matter of seconds after he accepted dream's party invite, he found himself receiving a call from the group chat. he took no hesitance in answering, and was greeted by the blonde boy's wheezed laugh.

"sorry george" he managed out, laughs choked in his throat, "sapnap's baby raging."

"am not!" george chuckled as the two argued and eventually heard the youngest's loud footsteps marching to his own room to join the call. "dream sucks." 

the three played for what felt like half the day. no one talked about anything personal, they mainly only yelled at each other about falling the void with supplies. in the back of george's mind, he found thoughts replaying and his desperate questions returning. he found himself much more aware of his surroundings and what his friends were saying. 

"george you had nine emeralds!" the blonde's voice was laced with pure annoyance as george heard his fists slam against his desk. "how the hell did you fall?" his brows furrowed in frustration and desperation as george waited for his avatar to respawn.

"i'm sorry dream," his voice was mocking, he didn't mean it. "maybe i'm just bad." he mused on. he wasn't fully sure if he was actually upset or not. the boy on the other end groaned, leaning his head back in his chair.

"yeah maybe you are." george knew the other didn't mean it but a faint poke in his side made his face droop in disappointment. it hurt, in a way he wasn't used to. 

he cleared his throat and tried to regain his confidence. "then why would you ask me to play?" there was trace of vexation lining his voice mixed with the anxiety of being unsure about whether he should keep pressing on or not. "since i'm clearly not as good as you." 

"george," clay's voice had taken a new skin. he was taken aback by the emotion in the brunettes statement and found himself slushing in guilt. "george i didn't mean that."

he sounded so weak, and half of george didn't want to be smart back but the other half was stubborn and cared less about how his friend felt. "then why would you say that?"

"i'm sorry george." the blonde pleaded weakly. "i didn't mean to upset you." george chewed his lip, the guilt rushing over him too. his fists clenched together as he let his stubborn side pass.

"don't be," he sighed "i'm sorry. i'm being stupid." they were engulfed in an unforgiving silence that no one in the call felt like breaking. nick cleared his throat after a while, not interesting in third wheeling the call any longer. 

"is anyone going to play another round or," sap took a deep breath, not really wanting to push his friends more but also bored out of his mind "do you wanna argue some more-"

"nick." the blonde hissed, his tone threatening. sapnap took this as a signal to stop talking, so he did. "i wouldn't mind another round," clay continued as soon as everyone went quiet again, "as long as george wants to." 

george cleared his throat. it was all up to him, how stupid. "actually i," he was going to regret this, but the 5 stages of grief came fast and first was denial. "i have things to do, i should go." he was completely bullshitting, but he wanted out of this situation and fast. the unfavorable half of his brain kept filling him with denial and guilt as he bit ado and left the call.

he weakly removed himself from his gaming chair and fell back into bed to resume his mindless tossing and turning. he gained nor did nor said anything for the rest of the evening and only rose from bed once he realized how long it had been since he first was up. night was falling, and he had never felt more awake. 

tumbling out of bed, george found himself desperate for food. there was a half eaten sandwich in his fridge that he ate grudgingly, not sure exactly how old it was. it was fulfilling nonetheless. it wasn't long before another hungry animal made its way into the kitchen. george noticed the feline circling his ankles and scolded himself for not feeding her earlier. he quickly poured her food and some fresh water, which she quickly ate. he stroked her fur gently as his small kitten chewed through her food with pure enthusiasm. 

as he stood, he remembered his friends that he had left abruptly and soon found himself back in his room with his phone in his hands. he opened his messages with the dream team group chat. there weren't many but he found that most of his missed texts were from dream. 

Dream

you ok?  
i'm sorry if i upset you  
i was just frustrated  
you know i care about you, right?

sorry im probably overthinking everything

sorry i fell asleep  
everything is ok tho, im fine

ok good  
im glad :)

:)

do you wanna call?

sure :))

george waited patiently, sitting on the edge of his bed, for his friend to call him. it wasn't long before the call started and the brunette fell back, letting his emotions sludge back into his frontal lobe. 

"how are you?" clay's voice was rough and it was clear the boy was as tired and george himself was. 

"i'm good." his answer was as truthful as the sky was green; it depended on how you looked at it. he was ok, but that was generous. he was confused, and tired and slightly frustrated. good was an extreme overstatement. "how about you?"

"i'm good too," clay hummed, leaning back in his chair. "tired."

"i can tell." he chuckled lightly. the other smiled too, eyes weak and barely open.

"do you just sleep during the day?" the latter joked. george chuckled softly as he rolled over in bed. 

"i suppose i do." it was the simple truth. he rarely slept at night. half of it was wanting to be on the same time zone as his friends, but the other half was just how he naturally operated. he wasn't a fan of the bright sun that often decided to lurk outside his window. he much prefer the comfort of the moon who shone down across a sky speckled with stars. 

"what do you dream about?" clay's warm vanilla voice flowed through the phone and carried george like a wave out of his thoughts. the question went straight over his head and he barely realized what the other had said. 

he hummed, thinking of a proper response. he didn't dream a lot, and he didn't remember then when he did. he day dreamed though, and he day dreamed about a lot. "i don't dream when i sleep," george answered slowly "but when i'm awake, i dream of" he hesitated, over sharing bubbling in his throat and threatening to spill over. "i dream of fields of flowers and someone to lay in them with." 

clay chuckled from the other end. "who do you lie with?" the brunette felt his face flush as he rolled over onto his stomach. butterflies squashed against his bed sheets as he rolled around on his stomach. who do you lie with? george pondered the question longer, not exactly wanting to answer honestly. i lie with you. 

"i'm not sure yet." he answered. 

the blonde understood. "you feel a way but you don't know for who." the way clay said it posed as a question and a statement, and george agreed. 

"yeah." he said weakly. his voice was quiet and low and he felt too weak to continue to conversation. it was as if he had been bludgeoned upside the head. "i'm getting tired." he whispered. clay hummed from the other end, fingers raking through his blonde hair.

"go get some rest george." the younger replied softly. "dream of me." 

the brunette began fasing from reality to sleep as the call ended and he fell asleep in his own arms. head burrowed into his sweatshirt, feet hanging off the bed. he was safe and for the first time in a while, he found himself falling into a dream that he would remember the next morning, and would be engraved in his mind all week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _________  
> a/n
> 
> hey! its about time i posted chapter 1 so here ya go :)
> 
> word count: 1884 (most chapters are gonna be around this length to 2000+ words :)
> 
> -tree


	3. 02 ; dream of me

waking up in a dream is such a weird feeling. your body is almost completely out of your control and you're forced to watch yourself do things that make you confused about yourself when you wake up. lucid dreaming is even more peculiar. 

in this instance, george found himself on an unfamiliar road, hands locked with someone. their hand was cold, like ice, but it still had a bitter comfort to it. he looked up slowly to see a smiling boy walking with him. clay. george smiled back, questions storming in his head. 

he took a minute to check his surroundings, wondering if anything around him could answer questions. there was nothing though. just an empty, snowy, forest-bordered road. he felt trapped almost. as if there was nowhere to go but forward. was there even road behind them?

"it's a nice day isn't it?" the boy asked, breaking him from his throughs. george nodded. it wasn't his favorite type of weather in all honesty, but he liked it. it was the bearable type of cold that he appreciated when he wanted to wear oversized sweatshirts. 

they walked a bit longer, hands swaying in the cool breeze. not a word more was shared, but none were needed. it didn't continue long though when george noticed something up ahead. the sky seemed to go black and there was no complete indication that the road kept going.

"where are we going clay?" he asked. fear made his voice tremble. the younger didn't answer, eyes glued ahead and his grip on george's hand not loosening. he held his breath but allowed to be pulled forward closer to the decline. 

clay stopped, eyes falling to the drop below him. he looked back up, green eyes now drained of color and sullen. his cold fingers slowly slipped from george's as he tumbled down into the undefinable void.

"clay!" george shrieked, his voice cracking as his eyes began to water. he wasn't sure what else to do, so he threw himself down to try and grasp the ice cold boy. frisk wind rushed through his hair as he reached out for the boy falling below him. the blonde's eyes were fading into all white as his mouth hung open lightly. his tan skin had turned a pale and bluish shade. george latched onto his friend's outstretched arm and pulled him close but the second he did, the boy melted like and ice sculpture in a desert, soaking george's clothes. the brunette sobbed, tired and confused. 

and when he hit the ground he found he had woken up, falling into a sweat-soaked bed. he rubbed his eyes, trying to figure out what just happened. his kitten had hopped up onto his bed and quickly began circling him. she was just as confused as he was. they sat there as george tried to catch his breath and his kitten took a gracious seat by his feet. 

george pushed himself out of bed, careful not to disturb his sleeping kitten, and went to pour himself a glass of water. the cold liquid dampened his dry throat and he felt he could breathe normally again. his cold hands rubbed his eyes, trying to regain proper vision. he looked down at his shirt and realized how disgustingly sweat-soaked it was. figuring it was better if he changed, he grabbed his half drinken water glass and walked back to his room.

his kitten had stolen his place in bed but george didn't think much of it as he began changing. he replaced his sweaty grey shirt with a plain white one he had in his drawer. his fashion taste wasn't supreme, but he didn't mind. he enjoyed wearing what he did. 

as he sat back down in bed, he had the bright idea to see if anyone had messaged him. it was a desperate plea to give himself a reason to not go back to sleep. he used to have such nice dreams. this was so odd.

george brushed away sweat as he opened his messages from clay. there were no new ones, but he didn't hesitate to change that. 

you up?

god dammit george, you're sending your friend 'u up?" messages at four in the morning what is wrong with you. his finger hovered, debating deleting it or editing it. clay had already read it though.

why do you ask?

his eyes rolled back as he sighed, knowing he had indeed messed up with his wording. 

i didn't mean it like that  
i just wanted to talk 

i know george :)  
so what's up

i had a nightmare 

i thought you didn't have dreams

this was not a dream   
it was a nightmare

same difference   
whatever  
what happened?

now what do you say stupid. he couldn't as well be honest. george wished he understood the meaning behind his dream, why his brain insisted he see that. clearing his throat, he began typing again.

i lost someone i care about  
i watched them die 

jeez george  
that's terrible 

he felt his hands begin to tremble and his teeth nibbled on to his shirt collar. he felt unsteady to say the least. 

how do you feel right now?

bad

do me a favor yeah?  
lay down, you don't have to go back to sleep  
but lay down, and try to think something that  
makes you happy  
you got that?

that's stupid

please george 

fine

he laid back on his bed, brown hair fluffing against his pillow. george carefully rested his phone on his chest, watching it rise and fall as he inhaled and exhaled. he felt the drought of sleep come over him again, but anxiety bolted through him and he once more had his phone in his hands.

clay im scared

of what?

what if i have to see it again?  
i don't wanna keep having nightmares

think about me  
i'll protect you in your dreams

there was nothing he could say to that. his phone slipped from his fingertips onto his comforter. brunette eyes were glued to the ceiling and in a desperate longing, he filled his mind with anything he could think of that he related to clay. songs, books, poems, art; anything and everything. a simple smile laced his face as he fell asleep this time. a smile of hope, a smile of love. 

"george!" a friendly voice cheered out to him as his eyes fluttered open, "you're finally here!" the brunette looked around, noticing the familiar blonde boy running up to him. not knowing what to do, the brunette allowed himself to be embraced by his taller friend. he wasn't cold, he didn't melt, everything was ok. he decided that it was safe to appreciate the embrace, wrapping his own arms around the other's shoulders. 

"what took you so long?" clay asked after a while. he pulled from the hug, his arms remaining around george's waist. he looked around, trying to understand where exactly he was first. they were in a forest of sorts. most of the trees had been cleared in an odd path leading to a tiny mushroom cottage. it resembled the one he had made on the server a while ago. it looked so much nicer in real life.

"i must have gotten lost on the way over." he mumbled, still taking in his surroundings. the sun was shining a gold haze over the tall grass that swayed at his hips. this was his favorite type of weather. he pulled away entirely from clay at the notice of a music box by his front porch. skipping over, he rummaged through disks and plopped his favorite one into the box. it wasn't long before it began emitting noise, music flowing through the tall grass and mixing with the golden tinted sky. 

"dance with me clay." the brunette hummed. clay didn't hesitate to lock hands with the smaller and the two began twirling around in the grass. small giggles were shared as the wind pushed them around. george couldn't express how much he enjoyed this. his head spun along with his body and he had never felt more alive. it was stupidly perfect. he had never felt this absolutely giddy before. it was pristine, elegant, lovely to say the least. 

their dancing came to a halt as the taller of the two stopped momentarily. his green eyes locked with george's hazel ones. clay looked down gently, his eye lids slowly closed, barely open and hinted with longing. the shorter's hazel eyes were wide, a stupid smile covering his face. 

"you look picturesque in this lighting," clay's thick caramel voice flowed through the younger's ears, "you're glowing." george didn't move, he didn't know how to. the taller of the two realized this and took it upon himself to lead his shorter friend back to the cottage. the inside smelled of fresh blueberries and mint tea and the brunette found himself engulfed in everything about the place. it looked much nicer on the inside than it did on the server and he made a mental note to add these designs in game when he awoke. 

he took in everything that was in the house; the kitchen littered with flower pots and herbs, the pictures that hung daintily from the walls. everything was exactly how he'd ever want it. it was excruciatingly too perfect; near unbearable. something bad was going to happen. clay took notice of his worried look and walked over to carefully sit george down on the bed.

"nothing bad's going to happen love," he spoke with pure loving confidence as he laid the brunette's head back, "no one will find us here."

the second his head hit the pillow he opened his eyes to find his friend was gone. he was alone in his room, there was no lingering smell of flowers or herbs, and he was utterly alone. 

he came to the first realization quiet quickly, he wasn't alone. his kitten made that quiet clear as she hopped up on his lap and began wondering back and forth to remind him it was morning and she was hungry. 

the second realization was one he had been denying for a while. one that truly explained how he felt; it put a name to his emotion. he was truly, bitterly, unconditionally in love with the one person he had pleaded himself not to fall for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _________  
> a/n
> 
> im terribly sorry how long this took, i had major writters block. the next chapters will be coming out faster i promise :) as long as my history essay doesn't mess things up smh
> 
> as always, feel free to leave thoughts :D
> 
> word count: 1758
> 
> -tree


	4. 03 ; don't fret tension

avoiding was something george rarely did. he spent the same relatively short amount of time with everyone he knew. some more time some less, but he never avoided people. that being said, if you asked him, he was in no way avoiding clay. he was simply too busy to go out of his way to send his friend a message or spend five minuets on call. 

he had agreed with nick that he would help his friend on the smp. against his personal desire, nick had also convinced him to stream. it had been a while and george knew it was for the better, but he couldn't help but feel unmotivated. he was constantly tired, and often sleeping, desperate for the dreams that filled his mind with unforgiving hope. 

there was no time for that now. he was almost thirty minutes into streaming, avoiding getting killed in minecraft, and also avoiding the obnoxious messages on his phone. as a call went off again, george finally took it upon himself to shut his phone off from annoyance. 

"who keeps messaging you georgie?" sapnap asked, more focused on his redstone than george's answer, " you're so popular." 

the brunette sighed, head rolling back before remembering his face cam, and straightening back out. "my phone's just being weird." he yawned, arms stretching back behind his head. drowsiness swarmed his head threateningly, but he ignored it and sat back normally. 

there was a muffled thump from nick's end and the boy mumbled an incoherent 'shit' before muting himself on discord. george sat there puzzled, a few nervous chuckles leaving his lips. instead of letting his mind wander, he proceeded his stream like nothing had happened. questions flooded chat but his eyes were pulled away, reminding himself it was probably nothing. 

a small noise notified him that nick had left the call and he now sat in the voice chat alone. he looked nervously from his web cam to his second monitor. 

"sorry guys i think sapnap is having technical difficulties," george sighed, a phony smile plastered on his face. "i'm sure-"

discord rang again, this time a call from clay. it was a direct call from his friend and there was no way he could avoid it. he opened obs to shut off discords audio on stream before answering. no one spoke, so he put his deceiving smile back on and opened his mouth to continue talking to the stream. 

"george why wont you just answer me?" the older bit his tongue before he could say something stupid. he muted quickly and mumbled a lie to chat about what had happened, while typing a message to clay.

can we not do this now?

he really thought that'd work. he really hoped that'd be enough. clearly is wasn't, since clay took up speaking again.

"now is as good a time as ever," clay's voice was bitter, and hurt "since you're already always busy." george spoke straight out of his ass when he spoke to the stream. anything and everything that kept his mind off of what has happening as he typed.

im sorry 

"you're sorry?" the latter scoffed. he paused, mentally taking back what he said. "no, i'm sorry. if i did something that made you uncomfortable. im assuming thats why you have been avoiding me right?"

god he hated this. george's mouth rambled about build idea's and such, mindlessly answering donos as they appeared on screen, while he typed things that he hoped the other would believe. 

its nothing like that  
i'd tell you if you ever did or said something that made me uncomfortable

"then what is it?" the way that clay pleaded made him want to end stream and apologize continuously. he couldn't though, not just yet. 

i cant do this right now clay

"fine," he mumbled, "that's fine. but can we at least talk? not about this we can talk about anything else." george let out a heavy sigh, gnawing at his inner cheek.

yes

"it looks like sapnap isn't coming back guys sorry." he fumbled with his lie, trying to end stream as fast as he could. he bid his ado, apologizing for missing donos before ending the stream. he close obs with a defeated sigh before un-muting. 

"how are you george?" his friend asked. all bitterness and desperateness had escaped clay's voice, leaving him his normal joyous self. george smiled.

"i'm okay i think." was his weak response. he was for the most part doing well, but things quickly began flooding his mind in a way he didn't appreciate. 

"that's good." there was something perched in the coup of clay's mind and george could sense it. he smiled once more, it had been a while that he had remembered the younger this eager to talk about something.

"what is it?" george finally asked after awhile. "i know there's something you wanna tell me." 

"i got a web cam finally," clay explained, "i didn't really plan on using it but i set it up on discord and i was wondering if i could test it out. you can tell me what you'd think." 

"of course." he desperately wanted to admire his friend's lovely face. this was a normal occurrence, he'd find himself visually lacking the appearance of his lovely friends and when he got to see them, he never felt better. cured from all the worlds woes and sorrows. 

moments later, discord flashed and clay's face appeared on screen. his dark blonde hair was askew over his glowing green eyes, and a white shirt peaked out from under his forest green hoodie. george smiled from the protection of his disconnected camera. clay smiled too, eyes moving back and forth from his camera and screen. 

"it's good right?" he asked playfully. george chuckled in agreement. 

"you're basically glowing." the brunette admitted, immediately wondering if it was too honest. clay's smile didn't fade as he hummed from now under his sweatshirt sleeve.

"turn your camera on georgie." the younger suggested. george rolled his chocolate eyes, face falling into his hand. "please?" clay's brows furrowed dramatically and he poked his bottom lip out in a pleading attempt to get the other's camera on. 

george let out a dramatic sigh. "give me a second." he mumbled. he carefully readjusted his camera angle so he could look at his second screen while having the camera pointing at him. he turned it on slowly, a small smile creeping on his face as he noticed clay's reaction. 

"i like this angle," clay observed, tilting his head slowly, "i'd say you're the one glowing." the brunette smiled, looking down at his lap where his hands lay. his fingers hid under his sleeves as he fiddled with them. "george."

he looked up, noticing how clay's voice had changed. smile fading, his gulped back worries and sat there hoping his friend wouldn't be bringing up something he didn't want to discuss just yet.

"yes clay?" his voice was so and weak. he didn't mean to sound this vulnerable. 

a mischievous smile had crossed clay's face momentarily. "you look lovely." he whispered, leaning back in his chair. the brunette eyes examined his screen, focusing for any sign of dishonesty. there was none though. his friend's face carried a simple smile, not deceiving, but welcoming. 

george sighed, a light smile accompanying his face as well. "thank you." he whispered in return. clay's eyes wondered all over the screen and george had never felt more exposed. he nervously pulled his knees closer to himself where he sat and attempted to avoid eye contact.

no matter where he looked though, he felt those glowing eyes on him. he undeniably enjoyed it. thoughts flooded his mind like a river of lava flowing though the nether lands. it burned ever crevice in his mind and made heat pour into his cheeks. these flowing thoughts contained ones he' never verbally share, but he couldn't help thinking them. 

"hold on." he mumbled, hopping out of his chair. he walked over to the other side of his room where a book shelf hung from the wall. there were books and pictures littered on it but he was looking for something particular. his hand landed on a journal he had gotten as a present a few years back. he had been scarcely writing in it, but he figured it was no better time to start. 

he sad back down, reaching over for a pen on his desk. clay's head tilted.

"whatcha got there?" he asked. george looked up, a pen locked in his fingers. 

"writing some thoughts down." was the best answer he could give a this given time. the blonde wouldn't take that answer though. 

"can you tell me about said thoughts?" george knew he meant well, but tension built up in his mind and he cautiously chewed at his bottom lip. 

"there's a reason im writing them down." he muttered, flipping to a clean page. clay let out a dramatic sigh, leaning back farther in his chair.

"fine then." his voice was quieter by how far he was getting, "i'll just sit here an watch you." george rolled his eyes but didn't object and started writing. 

i hate tension

he shifted his head, and then erased it.

i hate this tension.

better.

this tension that he makes me feel. like im being pushed back by a current of all the great lakes combined. it's scary and painful, but i love the water. 

his eyes flashed up to clay, who was in fact just staring at him. he smiled nervously, before looking down again. he heard the younger's short laughs and he began to write once more.

he has a stupid smile. it sends me in loops nonetheless. i love his smile. 

his pen dotted the page as his mind worked through a dilemma. 

i love the water, not the tension. i love the flow, and not the current. 

do i love him, or just how he makes me feel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ________  
> a/n
> 
> here i guess :|  
> im really happy about this and im really happy my writters block is gone.  
> this would've been longer if i hadn't of randomly decided to pull a cliff hanger <3
> 
> word count: 1690


	5. 04 ; feelings are stupid

i've decided i don't care  
what i don't care about is up for debating, but i know for certain i don't care about how i feel about him

"george you're zoning out again." chocolate eyes dashed up from the words he was scribbling out on off-white paper. his brows furrowed, quickly writing more.

it's hard to think when he talks 

"georgie." clay's voice was dangerously close to a whisper.

i think he knows what he's doing. 

"yes dream?" george asked, stretching back in his chair. his journal began to tumbled, so his body bucked down from his stretching to grab it. he heard clay chuckle. george's brown eyes flickered up to meet the green ones.

they had been doing this all week. spending hours on video calls while george wrote and clay talked about his day. they avoided uncomfortable topics, anything that would set the other off. there was a perfect bliss they experienced when they sat on call together, neither wanted to disrupt it. it was their drug of choice, their own world separate from reality. 

"what are you writing about this time?" clay asked him this every call, and george never gave a sincere answer. the brunette laid back in his chair to let his eyes examine his writing. 

"stuff." he murmured. the boy on the other end groaned.

"c'mon, can't you read me one line?" george pondered this. one line couldn't hurt he supposed. sighing in agreement, he flipped to a past page, the one he had written on tuesday. 

he wont stop talking about his skateboard. he said he went skating down "that road" again. i wonder if that's how he gets his feelings out.

"maybe i should get a skateboard." george reads, eyes wondering to the little doodles of boards he had drawn. clay chuckled. 

"i think you should," the younger agreed, "you could come skate with me."

he wants to take me skating.

"maybe i will then." he mused, eyes still glued to what he had written.

i want him to take me skating. 

"it's a date then." chocolate eyes bolted up to meet emeralds. most would take this as a sign of surprise or embarrassment, but clay knew better. george often met eyes with people to try and see if they were lying or not. in this case, the older simply didn't believe his friend. clay chuckled. 

"when are you buying plane tickets then?" two could play at this game. 

"whenever you want me to." george knew when his friend was lying, but right now, he couldn't tell. his censors were blocked. he angrily jotted something down. 

he better not be messing with me. 

"now you're writing about me aren't you!" clay chuckled. george furrowed his brows at his friend, frustration building up. "now you have to tell me what it says."

"buy the tickets," george proposed, closing his journal. "and i'll read you everything i've written down once you get here." clay's words faltered as he sat there. he had no idea how to answer. 

"fine." he decided after a while. george watched clay pick up his phone and open a new tab, typing aggressively. 

what have i gotten myself into. 

it had been a full hour since the two had been sitting on call. george made up a lie about feeling sick just so he could go back to lying in bed and feeling bad about himself. in a fit of dumb rage, he had throw his journal across the room and it sat there on the floor, half open. his cat had attempted to close it, but only opened it more. george was now sitting in bed, glaring at the book across the room. 

this was not solving anything. he flopped down, arms stretched out and hair spreading out on his pillow. his eyes fluttered closed, the world finally fading out. nothing more was important besides sleep. dreams could save him.

when he awoke, he thought he must have never fallen asleep. he remained in his room, eyes glue to his ceiling. his thoughts were soon befuddled as a familiar boy made his way into the room. 

"you tired george?" the boy asked, carefully sitting down next to him. sitting up slowly, george reached out a hand to grasp clay's cheek. he was really there. the blonde chuckled. "whatcha doing?" 

"i don't know." george mumbled, dropping his arm and laying his head on his friend's shoulder. a familiar chuckle filled the room once more as the taller boy's large arm wrapped around george's waist. 

"that's alright." the older felt himself melt into the touch of his friend, desperate for the comforting warmth that clay's body contained. it was enough to sooth george into a deeper dream state. one where he couldn't see what was going on around him. he couldn't hear nor smell nor taste. everything was gone but george knew better. 

he rolled around though he couldn't feel his body pressing against the bed. it was like he was massaging himself into the clouds, stuck in between the barometric pressure. the gas had him in a choke hold, but he didn't know. if he did, he wouldn't care. he enjoyed the invisible feeling to much. 

feeling rushed down to his fingers, legs and bare back. everything was still dark but it didn't matter. he pressed himself farther down into the beautiful feeling of whatever his back was up against. he let his fingers explore the surface of what his back was against. it felt like fur, soft yet thick fur of an animal he didn't know straight away.

he pushed off of the surface, eyes opening weakly. there it was, a large, beige lion. the beast carried a nasty expression. it growled deeply at him, crouching down so it could pounce. george yelped. he had no where to run. the pit he found himself in was deep and the walls had no way to climb them. 

"wake up." he mumbled to himself, left arm pinching his right one. nothing happened. groaning, he dashed out of the way of the lion. he let it chase him in circles, figuring there was no other way to solve this. hi feet got the best of him though as he stumbled over a rock. 

his body whipped around, finding the lion inches away from his own face. saliva caught in his throat along with pleas and tears. the lion growled, taking a large paw and bringing it quickly down on george's face. 

pain rushed to his cheek. his chocolate eyes shot open and he found that his kitten was now standing on his chest, paw out stretched. the second she realized he had woken up, she dashed away. he rubbed his cheek, the pain still remaining. 

without verbally questioning anything, he reached for his phone. he didn't care how late it was for clay, he needed someone to talk to. 

clay are you awake?  
i need someone to talk to

he waited carefully. his knew his friend would respond. clay always responded. 

hello  
are you ok?

the last time clay hadn't responded right away was when he was at the hospital. george knew it probably wasn't that but he couldn't help but feel paranoid. so paranoid in fact that he didn't see his friend's response, but instead had gotten up and grabbed his journal from off the floor. he grabbed a pen from his desk and began to write.

i don't believe in dreams meaning things. at least i don't think i do. i'd honestly prefer some knock off dream website to explain to my what my dreams meant rather then try to figure them out myself. i have no idea what a lion's den is supposed to represent. all i know is that it was un-rightfully terrifying. i had never felt more trapped. i'm tired of my brain forcing me to see things i don't wish to.

he sat down at his desk, pen drumming on the table for more to write.

i wish i dreamed more of him. i know that sounds dumb and cheesy but he makes me feel safe and i'd rather feel safe that be chased by a lion. of course, there's the fact that he only makes me 'feel' safe and that there's no guarantee i'm safe with him, but i like to think i am. at this point, i don't care whether he makes me feel like i love him or if i actually do. all i know is he always finds a way to protect me, even in my dreams. if i don't love him, fine. if i'm not safe with him, fine. but as long as he's with me, i know i'll be fine.

george sighed, he hated writing negative ideas. he was safe with clay, right? there was no way he wasn't. if he was in love, that's a whole other issue, but right now that didn't matter. because if he didn't love clay, it would be easy as pie to read him everything written in the journal.

the brunette didn't know when clay's plane arrived, but he figured he had until then to discover how he truly felt about his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ___________________  
> a/n
> 
> WOOOOOOO back to back uploads
> 
> i am SO happy im off my writters block hejkshjshja
> 
> as always, leave your thoughts and opinions :)
> 
> word count: 1546
> 
> -tree


	6. 05 ; just a bad dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (i don't normally put trigger warnings before anything in these because i just assume you lot read the original warnings in the story description, but if i forgot to add em or you didn't see em, this chapter includes gore and description of wounds and such)

three weeks. that's how long george had to figure everything out. that was the amount of time he had written a seven page essay in for his english teacher in eighth grade. if he could write seven pages of nonsense for a teacher when he was fourteen, what was stopping him from figuring out his feelings in that time as well?

if only it was that simple. george quickly figured out it was no where near that simple. he scribbled much more than seven pages of pure madness into his journal over the course of week one. it consisted of doodled he had drawn while talking with clay on call, short poems of lions and dirt holes, and lines upon lines of his normal inconsistent writing. a lot of it was barely legible, chicken-scratch that was written out of rage. his emotions were strong and out of containment. it was getting much more difficult to keep down everything he was feeling.

it was monday of the second week. it was also the first day that the two hadn't called. george told his friend he felt sick and needed to rest and clay didn't even try to argue. in all honesty, george did feel sick. his wild mind was over thinking every little thing about the trip. he had to get a room ready, he had to buy extra food, and weary of all he had to figure out his feelings.

legs bunched up to his chest, george sat on his window seat carefully. he took in all his outside surroundings. it was a foggy day in london and he wouldn't be surprised if it rained for the rest of the month. he loved london rain though. it's the type of rain you can't see through and it's always cold. it makes the sky a foggy brown and it's oddly romantic. perfect weather in his opinion. that also meant he and clay would be bunched in the flat together the whole week that clay stayed. that wouldn't be too bad he figured. maybe they could play minecraft or something. anything that kept his mind off his bubbling feelings. 

george decided that spending his entire time moping by his window would not change anything. his lanky legs carried him to his fridge where he found it held little to no food. groaning, he closed the fridge and leaned back on it. there was no way he had enough motivation to go shopping for groceries, but he knew i had too. stress began to build up, starting from his aching spine and winding its way into his chest. his breath came out staggered as motivation and energy was drained from him. a few faint breaths tumbled from his lips as he fell into a strong slumber. 

cold skin was pressed up against a dirt side as george became conscious again. he was utterly exposed. no clothes were in sight so he attempted to cover his cold body off with his arms. a low growl erupted from a large furry beast as it came into george's vision. his fight or flight was automatically triggered but it didn't take him long to realize there was no were he was moving. his legs had been chained, bolted into the ground. it was only a matter of seconds before the beast would be over to him. there was no way out of it, this was his demise. 

the warm breath of the lion pressed against his unclad body. his blood was boiling, fear and anger coursing through him. fear that this was the last thing he'd ever seen and angry at his brain for making him witness it. george's brown eyes were glued shut. if he had to die today, he wouldn't be watching it. 

"open your eyes george." that familiar low voice filled his ears. the heat of the lion's breath loosened it's grip on george's body. his eyes slowly opened, finding a taller boy in front of him. the boy had him pinned against the dirt wall, long exposed arms against the wall behind george's head. the older was too entranced to check if the latter was too undressed. 

"what are you doing here?" george asked, chest rising and falling at a rapid pace. clay's emerald eyes flashed a threatening gold as he answered. 

"i'm supposed to kill you." the brunette watched the boy's mouth as he spoke, teeth baring and sharper than normal. his words caught abruptly in his throat. dry and painful, he swallowed the spit building up in his throat. the boy before him was undeniably frightening, but george couldn't help but feel another feeling pulsing through him. clay seemed to notice this, eyes fading back to a welcoming green. "you like this, don't you."

"no," george spat back quickly. "i don't want you to kill me." the blonde tilted his head. george was being honest, but the was an undeniably enthralling situation. besides the chance that he might die in a matter of second, george was immensely enjoying the close contact. he never thought he would ever had enjoyed the exposing tension, but right now it was alluring. 

"i have to kill you." clay repeated, eyes wondering enticingly across geroge's face. the feeling of arousal soon drained from george's mind as the younger's face began to morph back into the furry beast right before his eyes.

"please," the older whimpered. "please don't kill me." his knees press against his chest as his feet clawed at the ground to push himself back. the boy paused, threatening warm hand griping george's lower jaw. the clawed hand pulled him up from the cowering position he was in, limps exposed and jaw clenched. 

"don't beg." george had never felt more utterly fearful in his life. his blood raced through his body. this was it, he was dead. he watched as the younger boy's face fell, fur diapering and fangs retreating. his strong grip loosened and lowered the boy down. "i don't want to do this." 

"then don't." the brunette whined, arms shaking and wrapped around his chest. clay stepped back, cold eyes glaring at george as he did.

"i don't have a choice." he said before leaping into the air. george watched at the boy shifted back into the lion, landing right before him. teeth baring, the lion growled loud and intimidating. george let out a weak whimper, not meaning to sound so deranged. he didn't even move as two large claws took their place against the wall by his neck. "you think i want this?" the beast's voice was low and stung george's skull. "i would never stoop this low. at this point i'm just putting you out of your misery." 

"please" george mumbled weakly as hot tears spilled down his cheeks. his mumbles turned into a strain of pleas as he tumbled to the ground.

"what are you pleading for?" the lion asked. "you want me to make this faster?" the beast pushed him back up against the wall so their eyes locked. "you deserve a slow death." with that, the claw of the large cat split open his unclad stomach. george doubled over as the beast walked away. his arms tried to hold himself together as sobs and screeches poured from his lips. the pain was prolonged and gruesome. he could feel his forearm nudging against what he could only assume was his intestinal track. this caused him to squirm, more sobs tearing their way out of his lungs. 

sitting bolt up right, george wrapped his arms around his sides. cold sweat poured down his forehead as he came back to consciousness. he was still on the kitchen floor. his stomach caught in his throat and he quickly realized how close to spewing he was. leaping off the floor, he fumbled over to the kitchen sink, vomiting a lot more than he thought he would of since he never ended up eating. he turned the water on, washing his puke down the drain. weak legs held him up for only a few more seconds before he tumbled back down to the ground. more tears spill from his eyes as pain wrenched sobs were torn from him. he cared less if the whole world could hear him, and more about the need to remove the new imagery from his head.

after awhile of labored breathing and a couple glasses of water, he made his way into his bedroom. his back ached and he was grateful to be on a soft surface again as he tumbled into bed. he mindlessly picked up his phone. instincts told him to call clay, but he just couldn't do that right now. instead, he flipped to wilbur's contact.

he listened to the phone ring for a few moments, know no matter how late it was, wilbur was awake. he was right of course, and his call was soon answered. 

"why are you calling me so late george?" the older asked, tired voice cracking in his throat. 

"i had a nightmare." george choked. he quickly realized how motivating it was to talk after vomiting. 

"you alright mate?" there was a quick change in wilbur's voice as he became more concerned.

"no," he felt tears clogging in his tear ducts. "it was so bad."

quiet sobs filtered to wilbur's end and the older soon felt the need to take the tube line all the way to george's flat just to calm him down. 

"do you think talking about it would help?" will asked. the younger mumbled a 'no'. "that's alright. you just wanna talk?" 

"yes," he hated how desperate he sounded. "i need a distraction." 

their conversation continued blandly, but wilbur was quickly able to calm the younger down. when will asked why george was confiding in him and not his blonde better half, george bit back the entire story. 

"he was there actually," george answered, remaining tears rimming his eyes. "in my dream. i think talking to him would've made this worse."

will nodded slowly. "i heard he was coming to see you in a week or two, yeah? think that'll be an issue?" george froze. he completely forgot. 

"i don't think so." the younger answered slowly. "i'm more worried about," he paused, thinking over his phrasing. "a few weeks ago i avoided him for a while because i had a similar dream and he reacted very strongly. i avoided him then because of," he paused again, "it's not important, but this time it's so much different. i love talking to him i'm just," scared "worried." 

"i understand." wilbur sighed, laying back in bed. "i'll talk to him if you'd like. he trusts me i believe. i could tell him your sick." 

geogre nodded. "that'll work, he already thinks im sick because i told him i felt too bad to call." he took a deep breath, stabilizing his mind. "thank you wilbur." 

"don't mention it," the latter chuckled, wide smile spreading over his face. "i'm here any time." 

they said their goodbyes solemnly, slowly remember how much they had truly missed each other's company. the two were good friends, but you wouldn't know that if you met them at a party or something. they usually only talked in private, or with another close friend. if they were in a call with multiple people, they didn't usually interact. they didn't have a spoken reason for this, but it was a common occurrence. 

george placed his phone back on his night stand and laid back. his arms laid across his chest, eyes fluttering shut. he was almost asleep when an idea popped into his head. leaping up, he grabbed his journal, a pen and shaky fingers flicked his desk light on. sitting down in his desk, he opened up his journal to a clean page. for the past few weeks he had been writing to absolutely no one when he wrote. it was always written if he was telling it to someone else. he figured if clay was going to be reading everything he had written, he might as well write a letter.

dear clay,

it's one week before your plane gets here. i've decided if you're going to read this i might as well write a letter. i wanted to first apologize for avoiding you a couple weeks ago and i'll probably be avoiding you again after i write this. all i can blame that on though is these dreams i keep having. they scare me so badly. i know it's not you, but it looks and sounds like you and you're hurting me and all i can think is that you want to hurt me. i ought to know that isn't true, but my brain has convinced me otherwise. i'm sorry clay, i love you a lot. i hate lying to you but i don't want to ruin our friendship just because i can't stomach hearing your voice. when you get here, i'll tell you everything. i'll tell you about the first dream and the second and the one i had a couple of hours ago, everything. right now i just need to calm down. i know it's not you that i should be scared of, but i am. i need time to not be scared i guess. because deep down i know i love you and you wouldn't hurt me. 

-george

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ____  
> a/n
> 
> PLS ENJOY :D   
> next chapter is going to be in clay's pov and more angst AND more wilbur so ha yeah ur welcome
> 
> word count: 2293


	7. 06 : detachment issues

this was the second day in three weeks that clay hadn't found himself on a call with his best friend. he knew he shouldn't worry but he felt paranoia creeping up his neck. it was oddly itchy and he found his long finger nails digging into his skin and making it flare up. you'd think he had a coke addiction by how much of the day he spent scratching and picking at his neck. nick had noticed this and insisted on trimming the older's nails for his own safety. while he hadn't seen it as an issue, clay complied. 

at the moment he was scratching at his neck like a dog with fleas, unable to scratch just where he needed to. it was pitiful how desperate he was for the release of scratching an itch but it never came. clay knew there wasn't a point in clawing at his neck, but it was the only thing he knew how to do to pass time at this point. if he proceeded to scratch his neck for the rest of the week, there would be no neck left to scratch.

on the other hand, he had taken up an interest in true crime. there was no reason for it, he just enjoyed it. sitting down and listening to someone talk about people who had their life brutally taken from them really reminded him of reality. clay had a problem with that; reality. he was often found drifting in his own mind trying to figure out what was real and what he had made up to sooth himself. true crime was a faint reminder that everything was real and naturally fucked. 

decided he would be getting no were with blunt nails against his itch, clay left his room in search of a snack. there were copious amounts of snacks littering nick's kitchen which clay was overly grateful for. he unpeeled a banana and sat on the counter to eat it. it was quiet throughout the house. clay couldn't decide whether he liked the silence or if he wanted something to fill the ominous void of silence. he returned with his room with his banana and fell back in his desk chair. pulling his headphones over his messy hair, he opened spotify. there was a reason that most of his playlists were private because of the fact that he named them the most peculiar things. 

homesick at home 

he rolled his head back as Skegss began to play through his head set. green eyes faded from sight as his eye lids fluttered down and his eyebrows loosened. everything was going to be ok. 

got on my skateboard

he couldn't wait to take george skating. maybe they could go skating in the abandoned tube lines. some alone time would be nice. he hoped the UK weather wasn't shit.

and began to, push away

consciousness faded, his mind completely dedicating itself to the song. he had heard it so many times and it was the first song he listened to every time he got bored since his computer never shuffled his playlist. 

caught a glimpse, of the setting sun

his head rolled over as his nibbled on his inner cheek. it was true that this was probably the most unproductive thing he could ever do, but it was the only thing he felt like doing. 

the day's now gone, and i'm feeling low

as the song began to end he sat up, deciding that walking around might be more productive. he was lucky to have bluetooth headphones so he didn't have to remain sulking at his desk. pushing away from his desk and standing, he stretched like a cat. his back arched and arms stretched out above his head. tired was a mild word to describe how he felt. 

i can hear the voice of the preacher from the backroom

he had added this song after getting out of the hospital. it was a simple and motivating song he liked to listen to when the world seemed to be fading out of his control as it currently was. 

calling my name and i follow just to find you.

there was much more he related to in this song than he'd like to admit. the lyrics played a tune in his heart that he'd never be able to express with words. it reminded him of high school and the friend group he spent time with. none of them were a good influence on him and they were the reason he had gone to parties and drunk and given up on playing most sports. nothing was more important than drinking back then. it didn't even taste good to him, always burned the back of his throat in an unforgiving way. 

so now im staring at the interstate screaming at the cars hey, i wanna get better. 

he remembered how one of the first weeks after getting out of the hospital he had left the house during the very early in the morning when the sun wasn't up yet so he could watch the sunset over the interstate. he had come home around six to find nick nervously standing at the door and looking for him. clay had come back with a wide smile on his face that numbed all of nick's paranoia about the situation. 

legs swayed on the spot as the sun flowed in through his window. clay never closed the blinds since he enjoyed the texas sun and siting on the window seat to watch the sunrise and set. it was a lovely site and in the few months he had been staying there, he had made it a quite homely place. the photos littering his walls made it feel like home, but better than his original home. 

tuesdays were just a boring as mondays. without his normalized daily calls to george, he found himself struggling to find an activity that kept his attention. he was faced with this issue for the rest of the week. the biggest thing he did was add multiple new songs to his playlist. some part of him was planning to send it to someone, but he'd much rather sing the songs to george then just ask him to listen to them. 

his flight was on a saturday morning, and by morning he would probably be leaving for the airport at eleven on friday. it was around twelve pm on thrusdays and clay found himself glaring at an empty suitcase. he would be staying with george for a week and while he normally didn't change much throughout the week, he found his brain over thinking his normal schedule. he knew he should, but he felt he must change certain things so the older wouldn't think he was downright disgusting. he had no reason to care this much about his friend's opinions, yet he did. it was honestly sad, but he couldn't help it.

nick wasn't any help with packing. he knew the younger would admit it, at least not yet, but he didn't wait clay leaving. nick had gotten so used to having his taller friend around that the idea of even a week without him was near lethal in his mind. clay hoped he could get to the airport after his friend had fallen asleep. 

it wasn't neat nor was it pretty, but at the end of thursday, clay's suitcase was packed and zipped up. a skateboard had also been shoved in there, fucking up all the clothes. he had been staring at the gray bag all day as it tormented him over the fact he would be seeing george in a couple of hours. he had figured he would be happy about the hole ordeal, which he was, but he was mainly stressed over everything. he wouldn't let paranoia get the best of his this time, deciding that he would have to enjoy the time he got to spend with his better half, it was going to be lovely. 

friday rolled around like every other day did. it started the same boring way and it was now ending slightly different. clay sat at the kitchen table with nick, the two quietly eating dinner. they often spoke during times like this, the younger always having something to say, but today it was different. the brunette was glaring at his plate. it was clear to clay his friend was holding his opinion back, but clay didn't want to start an argument so he kept his own mouth shut. 

with a non-verbal agreement, nick did the dishes so that clay could get some sort of rest before his flight. the younger didn't plan on going to bed though. he remained in the kitchen, mindlessly waiting for eleven to roll around so he could at least try to talk clay out of it.

the alarm the older had set was almost soft enough to sleep through, but he woke up nonetheless. waking up was the easy part, staying up was the hard part. he knew he could sleep while on the plane but he didn't exactly want to. he threw his shoes on which were at the edge of his bed and grabbed his suitcase. cold hand opened the tall bed room door, beginning to walk out backwards to make sure he got the suitcase out quietly. 

"clay," the brunette stood in the kitchen, arms crossed across his chest. the blonde whipped around. "please don't leave."

the older sighed. "nick we talked about this." he pulled the suitcase out and shut the door. "i've been planning this for three weeks. the plane tickets are already paid for. i have to go." the brunette was persistent though, walking up to his friend and gripping onto the taller's shoulders. 

"please just stay the night." clay watched his friend's eyes glaze over, eyebrows furrowing. he shook his head, pulling back.

"you know i can't." he began to walk to the door.

"you always leave me for him." that made him stop. clay turned around, and through the moon light he could see nick's cheeks had become damp with tears. he left his suitcase, walking over to his smaller friend. "please, just the night."

"go lay down," clay said softly, green eyes comforting and warm. "i'll call you when i wake up." 

it wasn't much help. "please don't leave me." the blonde chewed his lip. he pulled his friend into a hug which nick appreciated immensely. 

"i have to go." he whispered, pulling back once more. nick pouted but nodded, walking back to his room. clay hated seeing his friend like this and more hated the idea that this was because of him. he walked back over to his suitcase and walked out the door, pulling his phone out of his pocket. he was just going to call a friend when he noticed a message from george.

george

i'm feeling a lot better!  
i meant to message you earlier, like a few days earlier but i must have forgotten  
cant wait to see you :)

clay smiled.

i'll be there soon :)

he scrolled past george's contact, finger stopping once it reached karl's. he knew the boy was over twenty hours away but he figured nick needed someone right now. 

"karl?" he asked once the phone stopped ringing.

"it's like three in the morning." the boy on the other end whined. clay chuckled, brushing his hair back.

"i'm sorry dude i just need a favor." clay explained. 

"what is it?" karl asked, rolling over in bed.

"i'm worried about nick." he said plainly, turning back to look at the door. "i'm leaving for the week and i'm slightly worried he might do something stupid. would you mind coming over to watch him?"

karl was listening now. he didn't even think about how long the drive was as he hopped out of bed. "of course. i'll be there as soon as i can." the blonde smiled.

"good. thank you so much karl." he moved his other hand to grip the handle of his suitcase. everything was going to be ok.

"don't mention it." you could hear the smile as karl spoke. they said their good byes and clay began walking to the rental car he was using. he hadn't bought a new car since after the crash and much preferred the car he was renting to his old one. he shoved his suitcase in the back and climbed into the drivers seat. this was it. he was heading to the airport to see his best friend who had been separated by this distance for months and finally that separation was coming to an end. it was supposed to be a happy moment he was grateful for but as he saw the airport coming into the view, reality hit him. he wasn't ready to talk about how he felt with george yet, there was no possible way. maybe not yet at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _________  
> a/n
> 
> hey sexies i hope you like this :|  
> more angst and wilbur content next chapter
> 
> word count: 2168


	8. 07 : there's a reason

plane rides were always obscenely boring. the cold air filtering through the plane cause the blonde to be grateful of the mask he had on for keeping his nose warm. about three hours through the flight he had considered taking a nap but he found he wasn't tired and instead started up his playlist.

if his legs didn't happen to be the longest limbs on his body he would've brought his knees to his chest for warmth but alas. he leaned his head against the side of the plane, eyes wondering out the window. it was dark outside but he could see the sun peaking through the clouds. seven more hours of flying until he reached the ground below and he'd be with the one boy he cared most about.

at some point during the fourth hour he must have fallen asleep, since when he opened his eyes again, the light of sun was beating into his iris' and he immediately shut his eyes again. eyes still closed, he blindly shut his window with his left hand, not wanting to be blinded by the afternoon sun. he was considering falling back asleep before he heard the announcement of their soon arrival, so he decided against it. 

his legs weren't steady when they met the ground but at least they held him up. the airport was vast and if it weren't for the fact that nearly no one was there, clay would've easily gotten lost. he found his bag quiet quickly and made his way outside. the air smelled sweet and crisp, like apple pie or organic autumn weather in the south. it was quiet cold though and the taller held to his jacket. reaching in his back pocket, he pulled out his phone and messaged his friend.

send me ur address dumbass

if either of them had owned a car, this wouldn't of been and issue, but unfortunately clay was left without a car after his wreck and geroge couldn't legally drive even if he wanted to. the blonde didn't mind taking the tube lines, he was just desperate to see his friend straight away. he was honestly quiet happy their first interaction would be in the privacy of george's own home, he just wish it would be happening faster. 

holy shit  
right ok uh  
i live in the manchester apartments, room 307  
they're at the end of the victoria tube line

right  
ill be there soon :)

clay pocketed his device, green eyes scanning the area for the tube lines. he didn't have the best idea of how they worked but his mind raked back to the conversations he and wilbur had about them and figured he'd figure it out as he went along. he put his head phones back on and proceeded to let his playlist play from where ever it had left off as when went to find the station. 

i feel so angry and i don't know why

a smile filtered over his face as the song began. he remembered add it after the first time george had begone ignoring him and how angry he had felt. clay wasn't an angry person. sure, he got frustrated easily, but never angry really. someone george was the only person who had ever really pissed him off, and that's saying something.

the song was more than just a rage song for him though. he realized that as the tube line station came in view. he walked in, a small smile shared with the manager before finding a map. as his finger traced over the purple line of the victoria line, he let the lyrics sink into his mind, happy images filtering in his mind.

and i want you just to love me  
and i want to kiss your fucking face

he smiled. the past few months had been more than eye opening for him about his emotions, they had been inspiring. he remembered how just a year ago, if he had the thoughts he was having right now about his best friend he would've bitten his tongue off. 

the escalator went straight down into the true station area so he picked up his suitcase and stood carefully on the moving stair. he always loved escalators, an unneeded amount. his long fingers traced over the balustrade as it moved down with the stairs. 

waisting your time

he hummed as his eyes scanned for the right train. wilbur's music had always been a source of comfort for him and not just because wilbur himself was such a reliable person. the words, like most songs, found a way under his skin, growing a personal reason when he heard them. he also figured his current location was the best time to be listening to this certain song. when he had added it to his playlist, he didn't remember entirely but it had always been a comfort song and he supposed it found a way into all of his playlists. 

'cause the walls don't fucking love you

walls were something clay had become quiet familiar with. it was a common occurrence that'd he find himself glaring at the walls, the ceilings and the floor. they all had the same unforgiving expression that never seemed to help him when they were the only thing he could see. 

there's a reason

clay's hand, cold from london wind, brushed carefully over the barriers will had been singing off. he remembered the time he had sat on call with the older while he talked, more of drunkenly spewed about the issues with the tube lines being a insanely large threat and 'option' for any suicidal person that wondered on the tracks. he hadn't though much of it then, but he understood now. as if knowing what he was thinking, every instinct and inch of paranoia in his body attempted to compel himself forward onto the tracks. trying to shake the thoughts, he felt his mind going blank, barley hearing the train whisk up and come to a haltering stop.

"are ya getting on son?" a harsh northern accent made him look up. the man carrying the voice was an older man with a sour expression on his face. clay's eyes widened in realization, quickly pushing his headphones.

"sorry." he mumbled as he stepped into the train car. hand slipping into his pocket, he turned it off so his head phones would stop playing bad influence music and so he could focus. his green eyes were glued to the ground, just trying to keep his balance. a familiar chuckle rung in his ears. clay looked up, eyes flashing back and forth before landing on a tall brunette who was hanging onto the ceiling bar, eyes glued to his phone. he smiled and carefully walked over to the taller.

"hey wilbur." clay whispered. the brunette jumped, eyes turning toward the voice in enthusiasm. the younger smiled, knowing will couldn't see but it became a involuntary action. 

"holy shit," the taller pulled his friend into a hug after carefully shoving his phone in his pocket. "it's so good to see you clay." the blonde enjoyed the embrace a lot more than he thought he would and melted into wilbur's touch.

"'s good to see you too man," he mumbled. "i was just listening to your music too." will pulled away, looking clay up and down. it took the shorter a minute to figure out why but it soon hit him like a bus. "oh no no, will i'm fine." there was rarely a time that clay listening to 'your music' when he was mentally stable. he always named the song when he was ok, 'your music' just meant 'jubilee line, and i really wish america had tube lines'.

"that's good," wilbur's long fingers ruffled his dirty blonde hair. "today's the day is it not?" the question caused his stomach to drop, though clay nodded. "you nervous?"

he nodded once more. "i don't know what though," he groaned. "we've been planning this forever and i'm still so fucking scared." will chuckled.

"don't work yourself over about it dude," there was something so convincing about the way he spoke that all clay could do was listen. "i've talked to george. he really wants to see you, he's looking forward to it. you've got nothing to worry about."

"yeah but what if i," his concerns weren't as strong anymore but were still there, "what if i disappoint him or something." 

wilbur's face took a puzzled look. "well you're not planning on having your way with him are you?" clay grimaced, though it wasn't as if the thought hadn't crossed his mind.

"no idiot," he chuckled, pushing his hair back and out of his eyes. "it's just that i'm so different in person and maybe he wont like me in person or-"

"he loves you and you know that." the older declared, shushing his friend. clay rolled his eyes, but he figured it was true enough. 

the train pulled to a halt and if it weren't for wilbur's hand quickly grasping onto his shoulder, the younger would've toppled over. "welcome to manchester, you've arrived." the driver didn't sound as happy as anyone else on the train but clay knew it was his stop. he exchanged quick goodbyes with wilbur before grabbing his suitcase and hopping on the street. 

green eyes examined all over the street for the manchester apartments and soon enough he found them. they stood tall and proud like he himself would've on any other day. it was an old-ish looking building, but it was built right and looked very stable. 

he stepped into the building and let his eyes take more of the place in. it was quiet lovely and reminded him of a hotel he had stay in with his family on a vacation once. there was something purely home-some about it. he made his way to the elevator, stepping in and pressing the button for the third floor. it moved slowly, so he got a good look at the interior. it had an ugly green wallpaper than he imminently remembered george talking about on call the longest time ago. he had been so persistent to get across how ugly he though it was and how he always used the stairs because of it. it made clay smile.

as the elevator stopped, he noticed how nice the wallpaper on the outside hallways was. it was an indefinite upgrade from the elevator. his eyes fumbled over the number. 305, 306, 307. he stopped. long fingers raised, forming a fist in front of the door. his other had pulled his mask down slowly as he knocked against the hard oak door. there were rushed foot steps up to the door, then they stilled. the door opened to reveal a small brunette boy with a large smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _________
> 
> a/n
> 
> TWO CHAPTERS ONE DAY???  
> IM POPPING OFF
> 
> (next chapta gonna be long and fluffy  
> and other thing... :) :| 
> 
> word count: 1821


	9. 08 ; intrusive, indecisive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (once again i normally don't but tws or cws before chapters since i have those in the description, but this chapter contains nsfw actions. viewer discretion is advised for younger audiences)

one week previously 

when you have an inordinate amount of things to get done and a short time line to do them, you're more likely to forget one or two things. george insisted to himself that he'd be forgetting none of them. he had made a shopping list for himself that consisted of everything the two could humanly need that week. meals, raincoats, and enough snacks to last them a month. it was a pricey grocery trip, but it was a needed one.

the weather began to pick up all week though. winds were treacherous and rain belted again his roof hail in a snow storm. he wasn't the biggest fan of this violet weather, though it was beautiful to watch from afar. his window seat became the most visited part of his flat as that was where he spent most of his day. 

somewhere along the week he had actually cleaned up his living room, which wasn't really messy in the first place. george wasn't a messy person and enjoyed cleaning to a criminal amount. he liked to play ball room music and frolic around the rooms as the broom moved dangerously close to his feet. 

after a long day of cleaning, he plopped down on the mattress he had in his living room. many guests had driven the question of why he had this mattress thrown out in the open as if a couch, and he gave the long explanation of how his old bed frame was too tall and needed two mattresses and now he had an extra, but there was a much simpler answer that he preferred to show rather than tell. 

it was memory foam, like his other mattress, and he loved the way his hugged his body as he laid back. it grasped him in a toxic promising way. he enjoyed falling asleep in his living room after nights of long cleaning. the lion dreams became faint, and if he ever found himself in the pit when engulfed in slumber, he was alone. the lion seemed to be hiding, or simply absent. he took this as an opportunity to explore the pit, see if he could scale the walls. it was deep though, and there wasn't an easy way out.

on top of the lion dreams, he found himself back at the cottage with clay on some nights. the smell of herbal tea so strong, he felt asleep when he awoke. there was something so sarcastically perfect about those dreams now, but it was like hard drugs after being killed by someone you love. it was a needed remedy, and it was the perfect thing to keep george's mind out of the gutter as clay's arrival drew nearer. 

he sat up from the mattress, tired eye wandering around the room. it was another cold night and he began to wonder if he should get his heater checked. deciding there was a better option, he lifted himself from the comforting foam and made his way to the bathroom. his bare feet padded on the wood floor until they hit tile, sending a chill up his back. ignoring it, he began to pour a warm bath for himself. as the bath tub filled and his chocolate eyes watched the water intensely, he began to undress himself. the cold air of the house trampled his naturally cool body, causing more shivers to scatter down his spine. george carefully slipped one leg into the water, followed by another, before laying down into the depths of the warm water. he had left the light off and it was enthralling to watch his limbs disappear under the warm abyss flooding the tub. the house was quiet, only the sound of faint movement in the water interrupting the quiet purr of the evening. this was his favorite type of day and unarguably his favorite place to be. he let his head tilt back, pale arms gripping the sides of the tub as loose hums flooded from his lips. a smile tugged onto his face; he had missed this. this feeling of being safe, the warm hug of the water. its almost as if time has stopped and he's been dropped into the inexpiable void of time itself. the feeling was orgasmic.

george's eyes rolled open again as he surfaced his head above the water. his soaked hair covered his sight, though seeing wasn't necessary. he remained still, besides the rapid rise and fall of his chest. the dark water shook beneath him as his mind wobbled it way into the depths of his consciousness. his loose grip on the bathtub remained the only thing suspending him above the water as he glided slowly into the deep void of day dreaming. 

images of clay flashed in his mind. his smile, his words; everything fogged his memory until all he could think of was his fawn haired friend. brows squished together as he attempted to make the images more clear. warm hands running over his unclad body, up and down his waist, pushing him up against the back of the tub, the hot water causing more sweat to pour down both their faces, green eyes intoxicating him as he tried to stay conscious, water sprawling all over the tile ground with soft splashes.

george sat up abruptly, eyes flashing open. the bath water sloshed around him as a delayed mimic of his movements. his thin fingers remain glued to the sides of the tub. more vicious thoughts ripped through his mind, eye rapidly blinking to erase them to no avail. figuring the bath was getting no where but into the gutter, he began draining the water and clambering out. genuine cleaning could wait for another day, maybe for a shower. he grabbed a towel from the rack and wrapped it around his dripping torso. the other fell lightly into his arms as he began ruffling the water out of his hair. his chest still rose and toppled down at an alarming rate, but he had managed to de-clutter his mind for the most part. 

that was until he found himself face first in bed, towel clinging loosely to his hips and brown locks dampening his sheets. his small fists groped the bed sheets in anguish as he tried to ignore the obvious erection pushing against his royal blue towel. no matter how unbearable hard he grew, there was no way he'd even think of getting off to his best friend. expect he was, and he was definitely thinking about it. weak knees propped himself up in the bed as one hand wrapped around the base of his cock and the other fastened under his head to keep him from suffocating against the sheets. his gentle fingers stroked up and down, thoughts quickly flooding back in like water through a water fall. thoughts of the younger behind him, his own larger hand stroking him and picking up speed just to hear what noises he could probe out of the brunette. thoughts of the same large hands gripping his neck to pull him back into a passionate kiss. george whimpered, limbs shaking as his climax became fast approaching. more thoughts penetrated his mind as his limbs began to tremble. he could almost hear clay's voice, the praises tumbling from his lips and the degradation that followed. it rung in george's ears as he finally released onto his towel, whines falling from his lips as he tumbled down into bed.

now a day and 3 hours later, he stood in his door frame, eyes locked with the same boy he had jerked off to the thought of twenty-seven hours previously. he smiled weakly, not entirely sure what to say or do, or if he should say or do anything in the first place. 

"hey." the younger spoke carefully, as if he would break george if he wasn't too careful. the brunette didn't reply, only flung himself into the latter's arms. clay's familiar chuckle flooded the doorway as he accepted the embrace and melted into the shorter's touch. " 's good to see you too."

"this is surreal." george muttered into the taller's shoulder. clay nodded in response. "i'm glad it's real though." they both were. they both had been waiting religiously for this moment.

eventually they departed from the hug, and george led his friend into the flat. it was a nice and modern house, grays and blues mixing nicely with the london weather outside. the rain had let up that day for the first time in weeks. maybe it was a sign, though george wasn't one for believe in things like that, he still liked the idea. he watched curiously as clay's emerald eyes examined every inch of the flat from the one spot in which he stood. as the blonde's eyes landed back onto the living room, a dumb smile covered his face.

"why do you have a mattress in here?" he asked, walking up to it to examine it better. george smiled, walking past the mattress to the taller curtains that covered his honest reason for the placement of the bedding. 

"i suppose its not the best time to demonstrate," he rambled, nimble hands pulling back the curtains to reveal the outside. "it's a great view to watch the sunset and rise," his words trailed off as he watched clay's eyes light up. the blonde walked past the mattress, to the window next to george, eyes enthralled by the outside. the brunette smiled. "you can sleep here if you'd like. i don't really have a spare room." 

"this is perfect." clay cut him off. "this is lovely." george's smile only grew, his face muscles beginning to strain. he looked stupid, but he couldn't help it. 

"is there anything you'd like to do?" he asked, hoping to change the discussion. green eyes finally broke away from the window view and back to towering above george. 

"i'm a bit jet lagged," the latter admitted. "maybe we just rest today?" 

george nodded. "that sounds nice." they shared a mutual smile. "how about we watch a movie or two." clay agreed, insisting he changed out of his clothes though so he no longer 'looked like a hobo' though george had grown quiet fond of the loose green shirt and grey sweats. clay made his way into the bath room to change while the brunette took a seat on his couch to scroll around on netflix for a movie. 

the bathroom door opened with a click, and clay stepped out with his old clothes in hand. he was now clad with plaid night pants that hung loosely on his waist, revealing the band of his boxers, and a loose but smaller white shirt that was nearly cropped. this had been due to the fact his sister had attempted to slice the shirt up so she could have a crop-top, but clay had taken it from her before she could finish her work and it quickly became his favorite shirt. george's fingers trembled as his gaze quickly averted after taking in every minor detail of his friend's outfit. clay smirked, plopping down on the couch next to his friend. 

the older wasn't much for physical contact, but when clay wrapped an arm around him during the movie, he never even pondered asking his friend to move. he quickly adapted to the loving touch, leaning into it himself and wishing it ventured more. it didn't take long for the drowsy american to fall into a deep slumber though. his taller body slumped onto george. it wasn't uncomfortable or painful, it was loving and george took it as a time to appreciate the younger's features.

clay's face was sculpted and sharp and george figured his eyes would simply slice and bleed if he gazed too long. he was memorized by the way the blonde's mouth fluttered open to release a small hum while sleeping. it was the most lovely thing he had ever witnessed. 

it reminded him of his list though, specifically the thing he had written at the end. the last line, under food and pillows, was a reminder, more of a demand, to capture a grasp over his feelings for his friend. through cleaning, dreams and day dreams, baths and self-gratification, he still had no idea what he felt for the boy. it clearly had to be miles from platonic, but at the same time, maybe he just like the idea of all of it. it didn't help that the boy was now unconscious in his arms, probably dreaming about skateboarding or something distracting from the real world. george needed his own distraction, but it would be had to side track his mind when the person he wished to be distracted from was living with him for the week. he figured if he didn't figure his feelings out in the next seven days, he may never truly understand the deep earthly connection he felt for the boy in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _________  
> a/n
> 
> WOWE im tired  
> this is NOT how i imagined this chapter going but this shit kinda writes its self at this point idk man
> 
> word count: 2217


End file.
